Viva Las Vegas

A more appropriate slogan would be 'Hasta la Vista, Vegas,' but even that suggests we'll be back. We won't. People we meet are always asking us what our favourite place or experience has been so far.  It's an impossible question, so we just say that we've loved everything except Las Vegas. Nobody has yet been surprised. I find myself not really wanting to waste words on it, and dot-points are really all I can be bothered with.

• We stayed at Planet Hollywood, where every room is themed around certain pieces of the memorabilia they've collected over the years. Our original room was a Mary-Kate and Ashley room (creepy), but on our second day we moved into a Baywatch room. For the next three nights we slept next to David Hasselhoff's red jacket and shorts (creepier)... 
• PH is, of course, also a casino, and the whole place is a head trip. The rooms are badly lit, presumably so you yearn for the bright lights of the casino floor. All the entrances and exits to the hotel take you through the casino itself. I suspect even the smallest details are calculated decisions - for example, none of the casinos have automated doors, but instead heavy glass ones that take a lot of energy to manually open.
• The Bellagio fountains were incredible. Equally incredible was the chocolate fountain inside.
• The strip is confusing to navigate and awash with hustlers, selling everything from home-recorded mixtapes to women.
• Alcohol is free while you are gambling - all you have to do is tip your scantily-clad cocktail waitress. We had a couple of well-watered evenings during which Daniel demonstrated exactly why the casinos give you free drinks. There appeared to be a inversely proportional relationship between his blood alcohol level and the amount of money left in his wallet.
• Daniel did, however, manage to win (recoup) $140 on a slot machine from a free $5 credit and $1 of his own hard-earned money.
• We went to a show called the Tournament of Kings, in which Fabio lookalikes jousted and fought with swords. While we watched we drank beer and ate whole chickens with our hands.

Ugh. I can't even be bothered putting up photos. Apologies for the particularly uninspiring post, but I feel dirty even just remembering all this stuff, let alone writing it down.